Changes in Life

As we grow older many things change. Our lives change as well. I have been going through a divorce and never thought it would be as hard as it has been. In a few short weeks the process will be over and hopefully the healing will start. Its funny how you can spend 14 years with a person and never really know who they are. Over this past year I have changed myself and I like the changes that have occured.

I think the hardest part is watching my children go through this with the worry of upseting one parent or having to choose where to live. Many people have told me not to be the nice person but my heart and faith lead me to do the right things. It wasn't easy taking all the crap and being accused of things that weren't true. In my heart I know the truth and someday so with my children.

I do have a wonderful man who does take care of me from time to time. The bad part is with all the things that have happened over the years I have become pretty independent and won't rely on him completely which has caused its own problems. After being in a relationship for 14 years I didn't want to rely on anyone I needed to do something myself. This was good and bad because it caused undue hardship on myself supporting the household. The worst part is I have completely drained my savings and now when I need the extra money to move or do anything it isn't there. I have really humbled myself because to me making sure my children have what they need is important. Its sad because they never want me to buy them anything because their father has told them I cannot afford to buy them things. I would rather be in debt then know that my children feel sorry for me because of money.

I have also made the bond between my mother and I much stronger through this as well. We email almost every day now and usually talk a few times a week. It is hard because I am on the other coast pretty much by myself. I miss my family and hope to be back there next year. I am stronger in my faith as well and this summer both of my children became christians which I am so proud of them for making that next step in their lives.

I also have a good friend who has been there to discuss and support me as well. Without those two people in my life I am not sure I would be standing here today. I hope that someday I can repay the favor for someone else.