Lifes Challenges

Do you ever wake up and questions almost everything about your life? These are some pretty deep questions to ask. It can be about the job you currently have or how your life is going. Once you start to analyze those areas of concern now its time to break them all down and figure out what to change or what can be changed or how to deal with what you have.

As I walk through life there were many times that I felt very alone and unhappy. My feeling of unhappiness has faded away since I have started living my life with Christ everyday. I have always believed in God but until a few months back I didn't realize what all that really entailed. I now wake up looking forward to my devotion of the day. I am trying to live a better life and constantly praying for the right direction and protection from the everyday challenges.

I feel more confident than I ever have. I also know that the counseling that I endure after my return from Iraq was one of the best things I could have ever done. My life is not normal by any means and my concern for my children is very intense. I truly want what is best for them. I know that someday when they are grown they will understand what went on a little better.

I am trying to make the right choices and say things that will not hurt either party of this divorce. I am so thankful for my Mom and friends that have been there for me every step of the way. These choices have been very tough but I can say they were done for the right reasons and I feel so much better about them also.

I feel like this process will never end and that it will be a constant battle. I have a wondeful man in my life but there are times when I feel that he doesn't really understand what is going on. My children are the world to me and no matter how bad they treat me they will always be mine. I don't like conflict or the pressures of what will happen this weekend and do I need to be on guard because of attitudes. He is supportive but he has a problem when the kids are not treating me properly. The children are going through so many changes right now and with having two different house to go to it makes things difficult. I do understand that its easier to choose one house over the other simply because all of their stuff is there and that is where they are currently comfortable. I don't like being the person who is on the outskirts waiting for them to realize that I love them and want to spend time with them. Recently I have felt like the bad person simply because they are so angry with me that I get treated like a piece of dirt on the floor only needed occasionally. This has caused some concern in my relationship which is hard because he feels that they are using me and I will take what ever I can get because its so minimal these days.

I have to say that this week has been much better. I had a long talk with my daughter and she now understands that I have feelings too. My son wanted to spend more time with me and we are having great conversations also. I am hoping that things stay this way but I am sure there will be more hiccups to follow.

I know that with Jesus by my side that I will get through this.