Lifes Challenges

Do you ever wake up and questions almost everything about your life? These are some pretty deep questions to ask. It can be about the job you currently have or how your life is going. Once you start to analyze those areas of concern now its time to break them all down and figure out what to change or what can be changed or how to deal with what you have.

As I walk through life there were many times that I felt very alone and unhappy. My feeling of unhappiness has faded away since I have started living my life with Christ everyday. I have always believed in God but until a few months back I didn't realize what all that really entailed. I now wake up looking forward to my devotion of the day. I am trying to live a better life and constantly praying for the right direction and protection from the everyday challenges.

I feel more confident than I ever have. I also know that the counseling that I endure after my return from Iraq was one of the best things I could have ever done. My life is not normal by any means and my concern for my children is very intense. I truly want what is best for them. I know that someday when they are grown they will understand what went on a little better.

I am trying to make the right choices and say things that will not hurt either party of this divorce. I am so thankful for my Mom and friends that have been there for me every step of the way. These choices have been very tough but I can say they were done for the right reasons and I feel so much better about them also.

I feel like this process will never end and that it will be a constant battle. I have a wondeful man in my life but there are times when I feel that he doesn't really understand what is going on. My children are the world to me and no matter how bad they treat me they will always be mine. I don't like conflict or the pressures of what will happen this weekend and do I need to be on guard because of attitudes. He is supportive but he has a problem when the kids are not treating me properly. The children are going through so many changes right now and with having two different house to go to it makes things difficult. I do understand that its easier to choose one house over the other simply because all of their stuff is there and that is where they are currently comfortable. I don't like being the person who is on the outskirts waiting for them to realize that I love them and want to spend time with them. Recently I have felt like the bad person simply because they are so angry with me that I get treated like a piece of dirt on the floor only needed occasionally. This has caused some concern in my relationship which is hard because he feels that they are using me and I will take what ever I can get because its so minimal these days.

I have to say that this week has been much better. I had a long talk with my daughter and she now understands that I have feelings too. My son wanted to spend more time with me and we are having great conversations also. I am hoping that things stay this way but I am sure there will be more hiccups to follow.

I know that with Jesus by my side that I will get through this.

Love is In the Air

This is a beautiful Monday morning and I am so very blessed. I just spent the most amazing weekend with the love of my life. The weather was fantastic and the food was great. We put many miles on this weekend and covered so much ground.

San Francisco was amazing we stayed in a small hotel that was perfect for what we planned. We got up the next moring after our arrival and headed down to the Fisherman's wharf for our early tour of Alcatraz. We stopped at a wonderful bread store and grabbed some breakfast sandwiches which were fantastic. We boarded the boat and cruised over to Alcatraz for a breath taking adventure with many twists and turns. It was awesome to be able to share this experience with someone so dear to me. I have waited a long time to be able to do things like this. I am so grateful to have Mike in my life.

After we spent several hours on the island we headed back to the mainland and grabbed some lunch which was very good also clam chowder. Yummy! Then we walked around for a little while layed in the park and rested and back to the room for relax and figure out what to do next. We had a little date night with some fantastic dinner and a movie. Got up the next morning took our time and had breakfast in the hotel and headed for coffe. (Gotta to have good coffee in the am) then we came back and packed up and headed for the Golden Gate bridge. We drive to the other side and walked across the bridge taking in another day of great weather and enjoying each others company. Wow I am so blessed.