Many times we go through struggles and when we start to see the light it seems that something else sneaks in and takes it away. I am doing what I can to make it through each day. Some days are better than others and then I have days that I just don't want to fight anymore. If I didn't have so much debt I would pack up right now and move back home. I am trying my best to go back home with less debt and move myself so that I don't create more debt. I am afraid and worried because I might be leaving a job and then its the search for a new one.
I will be leaving my children which is hard but they have already left me so I guess its fair play. I often wander where I went wrong and what I really did to make them hurt me so much. I did my very best to be a good parent and have them enjoy life. I didn't want them to struggle like I did wandering if both parentts really love them. How funny because is seems they love one parent more than the other right now. I will not compete with money and I have a huge heart for them but now its their turn to show me that they want to be loved.
I do have a supportive man in my life who is trying what he knows best and I am pushing him away simply because I don't want to get hurt or deal with another loss. I do care for him very much but I also see he is concerned and doesn't know if this is what he wants either. Yes, its all confusing but I guess he stays because he can live here with little debt and doesn't have to work.
Today is an ok day and I hope they get better soon because the light is getting dimmer as the week goes by.
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