Life is wonderful especially when you have such a great support group. I feel so blessed these days. I spent a wonderful weekend with my family and church friends. My children were blessed with many open arms and prayers. This has been a very hard transition for both of my children and a little harder on my son who is going through changes as a teenager also.
I have found a wonderful man who want so spend the rest of his life with me and my children. The hardest part is having everyone understand that these changes are for the good. I am grateful that my son got to spend some time with the youth of the Church where my Mom belongs because they have planted the seed and now we just need to continue to pray. My daughter opened up and express what has really been going on. I am so grateful that I have been talking with my Mom and all of these situations because I not only took her advice but I remember how my Mom reacted when I was the child of parents going through a divorce. Being the better person is not always the easiest thing to do especially when you know the other person is doing everything they can to make it harder on you.
I thank God everyday for having two children and ask that he guides me through these times and answers our prayers as well as keep us safe. I also thank God for my true friends who have stood beside me and listened to me gripe or vent when things are really tough and also cry because I am overwhelmed and just do not know what else to do.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Making a Hard Decision
Here it is February and next month will be a year out from when the ex is moving. I had the talk with my kids a few days ago. I feel bad that they need to decide whom to live with but they need to figure out and make their decisions. I explained to them that if they really want to live with their Dad because he is able to provide a better life for them then by all means go with him. I also let them know that what they are experiencing now will not continue once he gets down there and starts working his new job in at the Head Quarters of the Marine Corps. This was a tough talk because I want them with me very much. They are old enough to know that life isn't about money and materialistic things.
I have showed them love, nurturing and have been there when they needed me. I will continue to do all those things but probably from a distance. I want them to stay for the right reasons and not with all the attitudes. I feel deep down inside that it was the right thing to do and will continue to pray that God touches all of us involved to use the right words and really see what each person has to offer.
I have showed them love, nurturing and have been there when they needed me. I will continue to do all those things but probably from a distance. I want them to stay for the right reasons and not with all the attitudes. I feel deep down inside that it was the right thing to do and will continue to pray that God touches all of us involved to use the right words and really see what each person has to offer.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Weekends!
Why is it that weekend do not seem long enough. Here it is Monday morning and I am already looking forward to Friday. This past weekend was pretty normal but there was a little drama.
Going through a divorce is hard and the children seem to fair the worst at times or is it that they are pushing buttons to see which household will be better in their minds. I have come to realize that money is not the only thing in life that can make you happy. I lived in a situation where we had money and never had to worry about buying things except the aftermath of purchases. After riding home from a soccer game it came very clear that money is what kids look at. I am not in a situation where I can spend money unless it is a necessity for the most part. I am able to spend a little extra but not much.
I am torn at times because I love my children to death but dealing with the moodiness and attitude is making things very hard. I do my best to show my children that I love them very much and try to get thigns they want or need when I have the money. I do not have a house where there are tons of video games nor can I afford to buy things that are expensive. I have games and crafts and tons of love. I truly feel that I have lost the battle of where my children want to live. I do hope that someday they will understand that I love them no matter what and unconditionally. I know that they are going through a tough time and the ex is putting pressure on them to make a decision but I will not do that because I feel it is unfair to them.
I reassure them constantly that I love them and will be there no matter what but have decided to not move anywhere simply because I do not want to be under control of their Dad. He is a nice person but we do not see eye to eye on many things and personally I feel he is using our children to get to me.
This weekend was hard but I got through it with God on my side and I ask him for guidance to make it through the day and weeks ahead.
Going through a divorce is hard and the children seem to fair the worst at times or is it that they are pushing buttons to see which household will be better in their minds. I have come to realize that money is not the only thing in life that can make you happy. I lived in a situation where we had money and never had to worry about buying things except the aftermath of purchases. After riding home from a soccer game it came very clear that money is what kids look at. I am not in a situation where I can spend money unless it is a necessity for the most part. I am able to spend a little extra but not much.
I am torn at times because I love my children to death but dealing with the moodiness and attitude is making things very hard. I do my best to show my children that I love them very much and try to get thigns they want or need when I have the money. I do not have a house where there are tons of video games nor can I afford to buy things that are expensive. I have games and crafts and tons of love. I truly feel that I have lost the battle of where my children want to live. I do hope that someday they will understand that I love them no matter what and unconditionally. I know that they are going through a tough time and the ex is putting pressure on them to make a decision but I will not do that because I feel it is unfair to them.
I reassure them constantly that I love them and will be there no matter what but have decided to not move anywhere simply because I do not want to be under control of their Dad. He is a nice person but we do not see eye to eye on many things and personally I feel he is using our children to get to me.
This weekend was hard but I got through it with God on my side and I ask him for guidance to make it through the day and weeks ahead.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
What a Blow!
I guess fairytales do not last forever. Yesterday I got home after a normal workday and changed my clothes and got ready for a run. My sweetheart and I went for an amazing run even though I had a stomache. I had this strange feeling all day that something was going to happen. After an amazing run and a cool down I got the hey I got this call today.
Since my hormones are already in an uproar I tried my best to not go off the deep end. The Sherriff's department from Whatcom County ( where he is from ) called asking him to come in for phase 4 testing.
So me being who I am said he should go because he has wanted this for so long. I was fighting back the tears and anger because he just got here and is getting settled in. We talked about it and I explained that its a great opportunity and that we will get through this no matter what. He shouldn't even worry about me and if need be I can pack his stuff and send it to him. Of course he was a little shocked by my reaction but who am I to hold him back. I know in my heart that he turned all the other offers down for this one. I don't want him to leave so soon but will support him no matter what and hope that if this all goes through he will still want to be a part of my life.
As the night went on we talked off and on and I have preparted myself for the worst because lately that is what usually happens.
I had a nightmare just the night before where he left and many other things happened in that one as well. I pray that God helps us through this. I also wish him luck as we make flight arrangements for him to go back for his testing.
Since my hormones are already in an uproar I tried my best to not go off the deep end. The Sherriff's department from Whatcom County ( where he is from ) called asking him to come in for phase 4 testing.
So me being who I am said he should go because he has wanted this for so long. I was fighting back the tears and anger because he just got here and is getting settled in. We talked about it and I explained that its a great opportunity and that we will get through this no matter what. He shouldn't even worry about me and if need be I can pack his stuff and send it to him. Of course he was a little shocked by my reaction but who am I to hold him back. I know in my heart that he turned all the other offers down for this one. I don't want him to leave so soon but will support him no matter what and hope that if this all goes through he will still want to be a part of my life.
As the night went on we talked off and on and I have preparted myself for the worst because lately that is what usually happens.
I had a nightmare just the night before where he left and many other things happened in that one as well. I pray that God helps us through this. I also wish him luck as we make flight arrangements for him to go back for his testing.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Memories
After a long weekend together, I have realized that I am more in love than I thought possible. I have a wonderful man who not only wants to be with me but he also cooks for me. The weekend was a busy weekend cleaning out rooms and organizing what we have and getting rid of what we don't need. I have a few boxed to ship out to people just not sure when the will happen.
We cleaned out the bedroom so now Tori has an actual space of her own. I just need a dresser to complete the room. We also cleaned up Tim's room and he now has a few more pieces of furniture in there. The storage shed is also organized so we are able to find things and get to the decorations for the different holidays.
It was nice having help the entire time and we also took a day to just spend together and relax getting some errands done as well. I never knew this is what life could be like. I am not counting my eggs before they hatch either. I just want to take it slow and make sure we are on the same page.
We cleaned out the bedroom so now Tori has an actual space of her own. I just need a dresser to complete the room. We also cleaned up Tim's room and he now has a few more pieces of furniture in there. The storage shed is also organized so we are able to find things and get to the decorations for the different holidays.
It was nice having help the entire time and we also took a day to just spend together and relax getting some errands done as well. I never knew this is what life could be like. I am not counting my eggs before they hatch either. I just want to take it slow and make sure we are on the same page.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Another Day in the Life of Divorce!
Why is it people say one thing and do another. So this entire time I have tried to do the right thing and be objective only to find out that lawyers are going to be involved. It totally amazes me that he honestly thinks that I am that dumb. I have verbally agreed to not take things that I am authorized to have half. In this process I realized that our children should be more important and that is the main reason I am not seeking more.
I just wanted out of a marriage that wasn't working and hadn't been for a long time. I wanted our children to grow up with what love should be and not have them think that control and belittling is normal. I wanted to be equal and have input on major decisions and feel important to the other person and not just a maid, housewife or anything along those lines.
I stupidly thought that if I kept a clean house and cooked meal, took care of the kids and worked a job to bring in my share that we should be equal and would feel important and special. All to realize that I was never in the top 5 nor would I be until the kids were grown and gone. I was asked to continue my education to better myself and stay equal when all that did was cause problems and have the other person tell me what type of degree I should pursue. I am very glad that I did follow with my bachelors and will continue my degree plan here in the near future.
I only hope that through this entire process that I can be the better person and stick to what I agreed upon with a few minor changes. I have worked just as hard and sacrificed many things in order for our children to have what they need. I have had to swallow my pride a little and ask for help from my family to get a lawyer as well to make sure that we are on the same page.
Through the grace of God I will survive.
I just wanted out of a marriage that wasn't working and hadn't been for a long time. I wanted our children to grow up with what love should be and not have them think that control and belittling is normal. I wanted to be equal and have input on major decisions and feel important to the other person and not just a maid, housewife or anything along those lines.
I stupidly thought that if I kept a clean house and cooked meal, took care of the kids and worked a job to bring in my share that we should be equal and would feel important and special. All to realize that I was never in the top 5 nor would I be until the kids were grown and gone. I was asked to continue my education to better myself and stay equal when all that did was cause problems and have the other person tell me what type of degree I should pursue. I am very glad that I did follow with my bachelors and will continue my degree plan here in the near future.
I only hope that through this entire process that I can be the better person and stick to what I agreed upon with a few minor changes. I have worked just as hard and sacrificed many things in order for our children to have what they need. I have had to swallow my pride a little and ask for help from my family to get a lawyer as well to make sure that we are on the same page.
Through the grace of God I will survive.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Weekends
The weekends never seem to last long enough. This weekend was pretty busy and went very well. This was the first weekend that we all spent it together under the new house and living conditions. Friday was nice and Mike and I went for a run while the kids were getting settled. Then it was game time for Tim and movies for the rest of us. The quality time was great.
The kids did really well there was a little bit of moodiness but that was discussed and ignored from there on out. Amazing how one household can be so different. Tori had her first indoor soccer game and it was fun watching the girls play. She also got to play goalee for the first time and did really well.
It was different because H and I had a little confrontation but it needed to happen. I am no longer under his control and he needed to know that I will not tolerate him controling my life or using our children to get information. Life is too short to be in some elses business. We should all live our own lives and be happy with much laughter in it along with memories.
I am so blessed to have two beautiful children and a man who truly loves me and helps me everyday and vice versa. I thank God for bringing him into our lives and look forward to the future together.
The kids did really well there was a little bit of moodiness but that was discussed and ignored from there on out. Amazing how one household can be so different. Tori had her first indoor soccer game and it was fun watching the girls play. She also got to play goalee for the first time and did really well.
It was different because H and I had a little confrontation but it needed to happen. I am no longer under his control and he needed to know that I will not tolerate him controling my life or using our children to get information. Life is too short to be in some elses business. We should all live our own lives and be happy with much laughter in it along with memories.
I am so blessed to have two beautiful children and a man who truly loves me and helps me everyday and vice versa. I thank God for bringing him into our lives and look forward to the future together.
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